Listening to Yourself

Since the weekend before last my intention has been: Listen. 

Art I created with this intention in mind

Beyond feeling and knowing how important listening is, I've been dealing with some ear issues. When I was a kid I had really bad earaches and as an adult, mild tinnitus, and lately some eczema and blockages. My go to with something physical like this is Louise Hay's Heal Your Life. It was one of the first books that set me on this spiritual path. She sees the ear as a representation of our capacity to hear of course but also "not wanting to hear". 

For a while I have been craving a silent retreat and with so much gratitude, the Universe brought me one. I spent this past weekend at La Solitude, a silent retreat center, with Jacynte Leger and Terri Hall for a Kundalini Yoga Retreat. I have friends who have gone to La Solitude and I've been wanting to go myself. I know Jacynte through a few different circles, and met Terri in Souris, PEI where she teaches and where I have been going every summer since I was a child. Not only all of this wonderfulness, but the retreat was called Discover Your Inner Wisdom. Inner Wisdom, connecting to it myself, and helping others connect to it is a passion of mine. It was an amazing weekend!

Photos of La Solitude by Jacynte Leger

In between the morning and afternoon session on Saturday I was cozy in my little cabin with the woodstove going. I began to focus my awareness on my ear and asked "what is it that you don't want to hear?" I suppose it helped that I was in this very quiet place physically and energetically, that I was surrounded by nature, and that I had practiced Kundalini Yoga the night before and that morning because I received answers. The first answer I heard was "I'm fat" and I realized that my spirit didn't want to hear the things I had been saying to myself. The second answer I heard was "I'm ugly". I know! Why would I say these things to myself? I guess I didn't realize that looking in the mirror and thinking these things could have such an impact. And I don't think I've been doing it all the time but it seems that thinking it even once in a while can affect us. I would never say those things to someone else so why would I say them to myself?

​Other things my spirit didn't want to hear:
I'm angry
I'm sad
I'm not good enough
I'm too sensitive, emotional, etc, etc, etc
There's not enough to go around 

I have been on a long journey of lowering the volume of my inner critic's voice and changing it's words. I guess I didn't realize how loud it had gotten again and how the negativity of what it's been saying has affected me. I had also forgotten the importance of the words we put after "I am...". Wayne Dyer talked about that. I love this meditation of his. Might be time to start practicing it again. :) I know so well the importance of honouring what we're feeling instead of stuffing it down and the suggestion was to say "I'm feeling..." instead of I am. 

The Kundalini session that afternoon was all about connecting with your soul and listening. Near the end of the session Terri said something along the lines of be careful what you put after "I am" because it will come for you. And then she recited some of the things we often say to ourselves and no joke, the first two things she said was "I am fat" and "I am ugly", the very first two things my spirit let me know it does not want to hear me say to myself anymore! I nodded internally. Message received and confirmed, Universe. Thank you. 

Ode to the Ear

PS. The awesome Practitioners at Forever Healthy are helping me with my ear and I am so grateful. <3